Idea’s For Building Supportive Relationships with Extended Family And Friends.

Parents of children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) rate ‘family’ as one of their top three sources of support. Friends can also be a big help. Here are some ideas for building supportive relationships with your extended family and friends.

If you were good buddies before the diagnosis, don’t change that now. You may need to adjust your timing, spend more time on the phone than in-person, or offer a shoulder more often. But don’t assume that an autism diagnosis changes everything. Your friend or relative needs you now more than ever!

Learn a LITTLE Something About Autism
There’s an awful lot of information out there about autism. Some is helpful, some is controversial, some is flat out wrong. Instead of diving deep into the literature, check out just one or two reliable websites to get a gist of what the disorder is all about.

Ask Questions
What Does a Child With Autism Look Like?
Seems like a strange question. But I know that there have been times when a person has met my son and then makes a comment such as, “He doesn’t seem like he has autism.” or “He doesn’t look like he has autism.” The interesting thing is that there is no “look” to autism. Yes, some of our kids may have similar behavioral or social characteristics, but they are all very different. So this is why if someone tells me they have experience in autism, that doesn’t mean they will know or understand my child.

If you know one person with autism, you know one person with autism. That’s because autism presents itself differently in every individual. So ASK – what are your child’s symptoms? Are there ways I can make it easier for him when he visits here? What should I look out for, avoid, or do to make his visit (and yours) easier?

Stay Connected
Yes, your friends or relatives have a child with autism – but that doesn’t mean they’re no longer interested in the Super Bowl. Invite them! If they can’t make it, they’ll let you know. If they can, they’ll be there.
As Possible, Offer Practical Support

Don’t Ignore the Child with Autism
It’s easy to ignore or avoid a child with autism. But if the child was a part of your life last week, he’s still a part of your life even with a diagnosis. Try your very best to find ways to connect with the child – through chase-and-tickle games, sharing interests, showing the child places or things that might interest him. If there’s one thing both your friend and your friend’s child needs it’s…a friend.

Be Frank – But Not Negative
Kids with autism can be difficult. They may have odd or repetitive behaviors, picky eating habits, or even be destructive. That can make it hard for you or your kids when a child with autism comes to visit. Usually, the autistic child’s parents are more than sensitive to these types of of issues. But if you find that you or your children are having a hard time figuring out how to interact with an autistic child, say so – gently. Ask for specific advice for specific issues (what can I feed Joey? what’s the best way to keep Sam away from the cat?). If possible, avoid angry or judgemental statements (Joey won’t eat anything I give him! Sam is going to kill the cat if you don’t do something about him!)

Help with Respite
Whether the child is a toddler, adolescent or adult with autism, respite is often a complicated issue for parents. Many parents who have children with disabilities are overwhelmed with the day to day responsibilities. Some children on the spectrum do not sleep well during the night and that further adds to the exhaustion.
However, when you have a child with special needs; it can be difficult to find someone you trust to watch your child. For example, I could easily find a teen babysitter in our neighborhood to watch my 1year old, neurotypical Son. But when my son with autism was his age, there was no way an untrained teenager would have been able to babysit him. My son only spoke a few words at the time and had many behavioral issues, so I only could trust my parents or another adult to watch him.

So what does this mean if you are a friend or family member? An offer to provide brief respite from a trusted friend or family member who knows how to appropriately interact with the child with autism would be great. Whether it be one hour or a night, any offer would be a gift for a friend in need. It seems like a simple favor, but it can mean everything to an overwhelmed parent to have a few hours to go grocery shopping or to just spend some alone time with their spouse.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Some parents of autistic kids choose not to tell their child about their own diagnosis. If this is the case, do NOT share that information with your kids. You can use other terms (Joey has a tough time with sharing) so your kids understand the issues without knowing about a particular diagnosis.